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born under communist oppression in st petersburg, i spent the beginning of my life learning the ways of the world. after growing up, i left russia at the age of 3 and a half. it was a struggle to escape communism's evil clutches, but after years of persecution, i somehow made it to the land of the free... Italy. after sightseeing a bit and crying in front of the Pope, i settled down in America, where i learned to speak english and play video games. always on the move from one national park to the next, i visited almost all of the 50 states before finishing high school and then dropping out of UC Davis. during several years of a heavily medicated existence subsisting on pounding electronic music, blowpops, and mania i moved in w/ my friend Erica and went to work for a gun-toting porn-star-loving software developer. eventually, i knew i couldn't deal w/ small town life anymore, so i settled down in SF where i vowed to visit every restaurant and bar in sight. despite loving it in SF, i took a 14 month jaunt around the world where i rode camels across the desert, climbed active volcanoes, saw lions in the wild, met the dalai lama, and nearly froze to death in the land of fire. returning to america, i lived in the ghetto and with crack dealers on my doorstep, i had to fend off my home from invading hobos and the evergrowing mounds of poo that appeared in the alleys around me. in a time of crisis, i was taken in by my cousin and a small furry whirlwind named McPooperson. i'm now living on a double decker inflatable bed with one small drawer's-worth of possessions and not nearly enough sweatshirts. who knows what life has in store next....

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